First person plural

I’ve been meaning to write about the experience of having two jobs in the way that I’m having them this year, trying to divide my work self evenly and fairly between both of them and still preserve and nourish my home self.  So far–and I must acknowledge that it’s only been a few weeks–it is working out better than I anticipated.  More on that soon.  But an aspect of it that is very strange is that I do feel my work self  is divided.  I go into Starfleet Academy, greet my colleagues, fire up my computer, get things ready for the day, stop into the library, teach my classes, eat my lunch, meet with students.  And then, twice a week, I get in the car, drive to NLNRU, and…greet my colleagues, sort through my files (no computer of my own there yet), meet with students, stop into the library, eat my dinner, teach my class or have a meeting.  It’s like being two people.  None of my SA colleagues know my NLNRU colleagues; none of my SA students know my NLNRU students.  I wear the same clothes and carry the same shoulder bag, but I think I know what Clark Kent feels like when he steps into the telephone booth. 

The lighter schedule at SA has made a huge difference in my ability to do this; I feel that so far it’s more than offset the increase in responsibilities at NLNRU.  It’s also helped that the two schools’ calendars diverge quite a bit; NLNRU was up and running by the time SA got started, and the fall semester will be over two weeks before SA lets out for winter break. 

One of the side effects, for me, of P.’s death has been an intensification of this feeling that I’m, in a way, more than one person–because no one at either place knew P., and so it seems like an entirely different version of me who is mourning his death.  My sadness about P. seems to have reinvigorated my sadness about my grandmother, and it is when I am literally in transit to or from one of these places–driving to SA in the morning, or from SA to NLNRU in the afternoon–that I find myself in tears.

Advertisements

One response to this post.

  1. Posted by payday2day on October 9, 2009 at 11:12 am

    this is such a touching post, sorry to hear about your loss.. i thought when i first read the first few paragraphs that you put it really nicely having two personalities with 2 different jobs till i got to the part that you cry in your car .. i wish you all the best. hang on ;O) this too shall pass…

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: