Fury

I am in a wildly bad mood right now.  Funny, because on the face of it, this wasn’t a particularly terrible day.  It’s true that an annoying thing happened at Starfleet Academy: the people who decide who goes in which room next year have decided that instead of this plan, they want to exile me to another part of campus, which will solve some problems for them, apparently, but cause other ones for me. 

However, this is by no means a done deal, and I talked to my chair and then wrote an email about it, and I’ll probably get some kind of concession even if I don’t get exactly what I want.  So I don’t think that’s the exact source of my bad mood.  No, I think it’s probably 40% the result of giving my exam today and fielding the waves of anxiety from my students, 15% the room issue, 15% the continuing messiness of my house, 15% the lack of cooperation from a tired and fractious Snork Maiden, and 15% not getting any significant kind of a break for who knows how long. 

We went out to dinner with Stubb’s parents tonight, and as his parents and his brother and sister-in-law compared notes on the movies they’ve seen recently, I felt myself filling with rage because I can’t remember the last time I saw a movie in a theater.  I’m not even such a big movie fan–I just suddenly felt ridiculously sorry for myself because I’m not having any ordinary old adult fun like going to the movies or just doing something with a friend.  FLS took the Snork Maiden and me out recently for my birthday, which was so great of her and I really appreciated it, but the Snork Maiden was uncharacteristically antsy, interrupted us every other sentence, and was unresponsive to FLS’s gracious attempts to turn the conversation toward more Snork Maiden-centered subjects.  (I would say that the SM is getting bored with being with just me, except that her social life has been reasonably lively lately–playdates, birthday parties, etc.)  And I wasn’t all that charming either because I kept nagging the SM to sit properly, stop interrupting, put your shoes back on, blah blah. 

I know that my big break is coming soon, but I don’t think it’s soon enough.  If I’m to get through this weekend, and the sleepover that the Snork Maiden is having with two pals on Saturday, I think I have to leave her with my sister for a few hours on Saturday morning or my head might explode.  And I have to go somewhere that really counts as fun, damnit.  I don’t think movies start early enough. 

*Added later: I listened to Loveline while I washed the dishes and made 24 tiny apple tarts (phyllo shells with apple filling–apples, brown sugar, cinnamon, butter–for the Snork Maiden’s class’s Johnny Appleseed celebration tomorrow), and I’m feeling better.  Sometimes I need to kvetch before I can get my perspective back and remember what a great life I actually have.  However, this does not mean that I don’t need fun.  Fun helps me appreciate my life.  I am still trying to think of what I can do on Saturday morning to have some.

Advertisements

One response to this post.

  1. I think the fact that you haven’t had a real break may account for much more than 15%! The spirit wears down just as the body does. I hope that a few hours of relaxation on Saturday (even if it’s just a fun novel and taking yourself out for breakfast) make the world look like a sunnier place.

    The end of the school year is, I think, a fractious time. I came home yesterday afternoon annoyed at several of my colleagues, and I had to take a deep breath and remind myself that, when so many people are annoying me, the problem may be my mood rather than their irritating qualities.

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: